The Worst Part

I always seem to find myself in arguments with my mother. Most of the time, we both make pretty good points for both of our sides and enter the argument with an open mind. We also tend to walk away from the argument on good terms, even if we have to agree to disagree. But there are times - way more than I would like to admit - when we get off on a topic that we totally and completely disagree on, and there is just no way we can keep emotion out of it.

Like I said, we usually walk into arguments with an open mind, so the first couple of minutes of these arguments will be civil, if not pleasant. However, when we come to the point where we're really getting heated, all civility is left behind - by my mother.

I will start making a point and she will interrupt me before I can even finish one sentence, already insisting that I am wrong and why I am wrong. This is, to say the least, frustrating. It also makes a rush of emotion - bad emotion - well up inside me, making me want to retaliate.

As she is going on and on, I sit there, trying my best to keep my face blank and ignore the fact that she is refuting something I wasn't even about to say as if she knows every thought i have. I wait patiently for her to finish before announcing that she had no idea what I was about to say. I then start to finish my previous point...

...when she, yet again, interrupts me. The whole process repeats itself.

You might be wondering why it is that I don't just get up and walk away if this is so frustrating to me. The only answer I can give you is that this is one of my pet peeves - probably because my mom has been doing this my whole life - and I'd like to try and stop it.

I will finally break, exclaiming, "You have no idea what I was about to say! If you would stop talking for a minute, I could finish what I was saying and then we could have an actual discussion."

She will usually back down and let me finish, but then she begins arguing again, using metaphors and analogies that have nothing to do with what we're talking about. I will tell her so, usually angering her.

And that's when the worst part happens. She will then say something like, "What you're saying makes no sense. I don't understand how you can come up with such faulty logic." But what she says isn't what gets to me. It's the way she says it. She might as well be saying, "You're a moron."

Okay, I don't mean to brag, but I'm smart. I have a 4.0 GPA, graduated in the top ten percent of my class(only because I have a medical condition that keeps me from having perfect attendance and they knocked my grade down for that), and have been praised by most - if not all - of my professors for how bright I am. I also happen to be a very logical thinker, as my Critical Thinking professor pointed out. So, I know that I am not a moron, nor do I have faulty logic(most of the time; I'm not saying that I am never wrong because I am sometimes).

So, it kind of hurts to be called stupid by my mother. I've worked very hard to educate myself, not only in school. I am constantly looking for new information to store, using the internet to my advantage to gain knowledge about different subject of varying degrees. I like learning. Being called dumb makes me feel as if I do all of that for nothing.

Lately, this has been bothering me more and more. My breaking point - the point in which I had to write my feelings down in order to help me deal with them(right now) - came this morning when my mom and I got into an argument. She did this tactic yet again and I feel horrible.

Let me back up, though, to when the breaking point began. It was last month. For some time now, I have been considering quitting college. I know that a lot of people think this is a stupid idea, but I feel as though it just isn't the right choice for me right now. I want to try other things - careers that I would actually enjoy doing - before settling for something safe. I was talking to my mom about it and I brought up one of my points: the fact that I am having to pay for courses that will not benefit me and my career choice at all.

Colleges make you take core classes that don't have anything to do with what you want to do with your life. If your majoring in English, why do you have to take math classes? Why can't you just take all the English classes that would benefit you and get your degree? I'll tell you why: because colleges want to bleed every drop of money that can get from you, whether it will benefit you or not.

When I first started school, I hadn't even thought about all the classes I would have to take that wouldn't benefit me, but I was already appalled at how much money I had to spend there. I was paying $3,000 a semester and at least $500 for books. I also had to buy a laptop because I wasn't living on campus and we didn't have a computer here at home; it was $400. I'd thought that was all I had to pay, but no. They then tell me that I have to pay $180 for a fucking parking permit. I had to pay to park at the school I'd already paid to attend. What kind of bullshit is that? They don't even make it easy for you to get one, either.

I won't get into that right now, though, because it's not important. Anyway, I brought this up to my mother and she just kept saying how the classes would benefit me, I just wouldn't know it until I finished school. Well, I'd already taken 8 different classes and they hadn't benefited me at all. I took Intro to Psych, which was really a once-over of human anatomy and one chapter on psychological disorders, things I already knew from high school and my own research. I took Sociology, which was a bullshit class. Basically, all my classes were horrible. They didn't even challenge me.

But my mother wouldn't listen. I guarantee you that she didn't hear a word I said. Instead, she told me that I was the one who was hard-headed and wouldn't listen. She gave me this whole speech about how I was stubborn and that once I had made my mind up about something, I wouldn't listen to a word another person said about it.

I took offense to this. See, I've always prided myself on having an open mind. When I get into an argument with someone, I listen to what they have to say and think about it before responding. If I can't refute what they've said or they can provide evidence that backs up their claim, I will gladly bow down and accept defeat. So, what she said hurt and I told her so. That ended our conversation.

That still hadn't caused me to reach the beginning of my breaking point, however. That came later that night, when I was talking to my boyfriend and the argument came up. My boyfriend had been in the kitchen - which is the room next to the living room - making dinner for everyone, so he could hear everything we were saying. To my amazement, he agreed with my mom.

This made me question everything I had previously thought about myself. Was I really stubborn like they said I was or did I just come off that way at times? Maybe I had this picture of myself that was totally wrong. At that moment, I told myself that I would try not to get in any arguments with anyone in my family again.

But then the argument this morning happened. When all was said and done, I wound up crying in my bedroom. I am so tired of being treated this way.

Here's something else that bothers me about the way my mother treats me when we butt heads:

It seems - at times - like my mother has alternate personalities. Most of the time, she is praising me on my accomplishments, telling me that she is so proud of me and the woman I have become. She'll tell me that I am the person who brings the most joy to her life. She's even said - and I quote - "I always thought there was a reason I was brought into this world. I was brought here to bring you into the world."

The switch completely flips, though, when we having differing views on a subject.

Here's another example: the only computer in the house is still just my laptop, which I am using now. I allow everyone else to use it, on the condition that they not eat or drink around it and make sure(with my security system) that the sites they want to visit are free of any and all viruses before they go to them. My little brother, though, sometimes forgets about these rules.

I believe he has ADD, even though he's never been diagnosed. He has trouble paying attention to anything for a long time, even if he's interested in it. He mainly jumps from playing video games on his Xbox 360 to watching YouTube videos about playing games on an app on his Xbox. Every now and then, he will watch TV. When those options aren't interesting enough, he wants to use my computer to play other games, mostly ToonTown or random games on Cartoon Network's site.

A couple of months ago, I caught him drinking a Dr. Pepper right above my computer. I gave him a warning, letting him know that if I saw him drinking near my computer again, I would take it away. An hour later, I found him - again - drinking the same soft drink over my computer. This time, he actually dropped a couple of drops on the keyboard. Although it was nothing serious, I had given him a warning about it, so I took the computer away.

That evening, he became bored with his video games and Xbox altogether. He couldn't find anything interesting to him on TV and was bothering my mom, asking if he could use her work phone to play games even though she was on call and needed her phone. When she'd finally had enough of his pestering, she called for me and I immediately met her in the living room. She asked if my brother could use my computer and I explained to her that he was not allowed to use it for the rest of the day and the next day because he'd broken one of my rules twice.

At first, that was no big deal and she let it go. But a couple of hours later, she began begging me to let him play on my computer, saying that she thought that was the only thing that would get him away from her. I insisted that he wasn't allowed to use it, that there were consequences for breaking my rules. She threw a fit, calling me a bitch. I didn't respond and, instead, went to the bathroom. I could still hear her and my brother talking because the bathroom is right down the hall from the living room. My brother asked my mom why I wouldn't let him use the computer - even though he was sitting right next to her when I explained it - and she said, "Because she's just like her father. She expects everyone to do everything for her, without giving anything in return."(my parents are divorced, for obvious reasons).

This is just not true. I do tons for my family. I help with the work around the house, I run to town whenever my family asks me to, and I help take care of the vehicles I use. I've paid for all the gas I've used and gotten a new set of tires and an oil change for one of the vehicles. I do help, as much as I can.

So, I really don't get it. How can someone go from calling me the "joy of my life" to a bitch, someone who never thinks about other people?

This hurts me so badly. It hurts even worse to know that my own boyfriend agreed with her. I can't help the tears that roll down my face as I write this. I also can't help the thoughts that race through my mind. "Am I a horrible person? Do they really think so little of me? Should I just...give up?"

I have no clear answers right now. I may never get them. What do I know for sure?

Some people are assholes.  

Taylor Freaking Swift(and her psycho fans!!!)

Okay, so I just got done watching this video on YouTube called, "The Many Men of Taylor Swift". There were tons of people commenting about how Taylor has only dates two guys in the past two years(Swift fans) and other people who were writing back that it's dumb to think she's only dated two guys in the past two years because she's been spotted with so many different guys(normal people).

I don't agree with either of these groups. I think that Taylor's reputation for being the "Heartbreak Kid" isn't because of how many guys she's dated, but for the fact that she writes a song(or several) about each one of them. Now, if you go to the link I've left below and search for Taylor Swift, it will give you a complete list of her ex-boyfriends. According to that list, she has had 18 famous past boyfriends. However, according to the Wikia dedicated to Swift, Taylor has only dated 9 guys, 3 of whom were not famous. I tend to believe that the Wikia page has not listed all of her exes. I've seen many headlines saying Taylor was dating a new man and tons of pictures over the years of her with many different men. That doesn't prove that she has dated all of them, but - based on all of the songs she's written about exes - it seems pretty obvious that she's dated more men than she's letting on.

 Link to Taylor's Ex-Boyfriends List

Back to what I was saying before... I think Taylor is being criticized for writing so many songs about her exes, not for having so many exes. Look at Selena Gomez: she's dated 8 different guys, but she hasn't written most of her songs about them. It's a little appalling that someone would write about such personal things and then put them out there for the world to see. If I was a famous guy around Taylor's age, I'd stay as far as I possibly could from her! 

Now, I don't like Taylor. In fact, when I see her or hear her songs, I feel as if a little flame has ignited in my chest. She infuriates me to no end. I've found an article explaining 10 reasons why this magazine loves Taylor Swift. I am only using this as a starting point because there are so many things I don't like about Taylor that I don't know where to start. You'll find the link below.

10 Reasons Why We Love Taylor Swift

Before you continue reading, I want to make a couple of things clear. I am not trying to hate on Swift. I find myself writing on this blog when I become frustrated with something and don't know how else to get rid of the frustration. Writing things out helps me. So I am just writing my opinions here, don't take it personally. Here's a big thing to remember when reading this: I AM NOT JEALOUS. Tons of Swift fans always come at me after I've stated my opinion, saying that I am just jealous of Taylor. This is not true. I tend to believe that Taylor fans only use this excuse because it is nearly impossible to prove that you aren't jealous, so it shuts up the people who don't like Taylor. I do not want to be anything like Taylor Swift. Sure, I'd love to have the kind of money she has, but that's it. So, if you are a "Swiftie" and want to defend Taylor, don't say I'm jealous. That's just idiotic and you're only saying that because I can't refute it with proof.

(Read along with the link above) I honestly don't care about what Taylor looks like. I personally don't find her to be beautiful or ugly. She's cute. I do think that she dresses well - most of the time. So don't say that I'm hating on her just hate her, because I have an open mind and don't hate everything about her.

Yes, everyone can relate to her songs in one way or another. My problem with that, though, is that all her songs say the same thing in different ways. The lyrics aren't great, honestly. A high school student could write the same songs. Another problem I have with her songs is that she tends to bash people in them, mostly her exes. "Swifties" like to reply to that with, "She uses her songs to let out her emotions! Why are you hating on her for letting her feelings out?" Well, let's put it this way. You just broke up with your partner because you didn't feel like things were going anywhere. You're in high school when this happens. Although you aren't happy about the break up(you really liked the other person), you are content with your decision, convinced it was the right thing to do. However, the other person is livid about your break up. They felt as if things were going well and they're still in love with you. That love has now turned to hate. They write a horrible song about you and decide to sing it in the middle of the cafeteria during lunchtime and everyone knows it is about you. There are some personal things that really happened in the song, things you don't want other people knowing about because, well, they are personal. Now everyone thinks you're a horrible person because of what they heard in the song and they're all talking about it. How would you feel? Horrible. The only reason why people don't think about it that way is because we're talking about celebrities, who get talked shit about all the time.

I will admit that Taylor does love her fans, but that's because, well, they are her fans. They're the ones who are paying her. But there's also the other side of the spectrum. She's made it pretty clear that she doesn't like people who aren't crazy about her. When Tina Fey and Amy Poehler cracked a joke about how Taylor needs to have some "me" time, she attacked them! No, not physically, but in an interview. She said, "There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." That is totally ridiculous! I would consider it an honor to be the center of a joke Tina Fey or Amy Poehler told. So not classy, Taylor.

Who cares about a cat?

Not. Even. Going. There. 

Oh, God, her acting... It's absolutely atrocious! I know that a lot of "swifties" get mad when people say she was horrible in Valentine's Day and I actually see their point. You can tell that Taylor's role wasn't meant to be a serious one; it was meant to be funny, in a dumb-blonde sort of way. But on CSI... No. Just no. I saw the episode she was on and it was horrible. She wasn't believable at all. I honestly hope that she doesn't get any more acting parts. The fact that you are famous doesn't mean that you can seriously act. I'm really not surprised that she didn't get the role in Les Miserables.

I like it when anyone gives to charity, so I can respect that Taylor does.

Humble? Puh-lease! She wears these fake "OMG! I can't believe I won!" expressions when you can tell she expects to win. Take for instance the same night Tina and Amy joked about her at the Golden Globes: when Adele won the award for Best Original Song - which Taylor was also nominated for - Taylor was caught on camera with a sour pout on her face. I can understand disappointment, but she was just being a sore loser. That right there proves that she expects to win most of the awards she's nominated for and is just feigning being shocked.

Who really cares about writing your favorite number on your hand? Really?

Again, I don't believe Taylor is completely honest about her life. I get wanting to shield some of your life from the public, but lying about things is not the way to do it, especially when everyone knows you're lying.

So, they didn't really mention one of the things I thought they would, which is "Taylor is such a good role model!!" I hate it when parents go around saying this. They only see what Taylor wants them to see, just like her fans. Most of the time, they don't even realize when Taylor is doing something bitchy. Writing songs about your exes in one thing - still wrong, though - but when you bring your ex's new girlfriend into it, that's a whole new level of wrong. In "Better than Revenge", Taylor calls Camilla Belle - Joe Jonas's ex-girlfriend, who he dated after Taylor - a whore. Here's the lyric: "She's not a saint and she's not what you think, she's an actress, whoa! She's better known for the things that she does on the mattress, whoa!" Is this something a good role model would write? No, absolutely not. She's teaching little girls who adore her that it's okay to call other girls a whore, just as long as that girl is dating her ex. But parents don't see this because that song wasn't one of her big hits. They don't actually listen to what their children are listening to, so they only hear the good stuff.

Anyway, there's a ton of more stuff I'd like to say about Taylor, but I'm done for now. Feel free to comment whatever you want. You can even call me jealous if it'll make you feel better. ;)    

  

  

Awkward. Really???

Okay, so this isn't really a rant. It's more like...my thoughts on the show Awkward. Am I the only one who finds it weird that I'm blogging about a show about a blogger?? No? Then let's get on with it...

 Awkward. has been one of my favorite shows ever since it came out. If you haven't seen it, I'll summarize it for you. The show is basically about a girl named Jenna Hamilton and her adventures throughout high school. What makes the show so appealing is that it's not done in a style you typically see. It's a show that you can relate to, even if you aren't a teenager. Everyone has gone through something embarrassing - most likely a few things that were embarrassing - in high school and that's what the show is about. Being in that awkward stage of finding out who you really are and what you want.

Jenna, right after she and Matty have sex the first time

The show starts out with Jenna losing her virginity to her long-time crush, Matty McKibben. That opens the door for them to become friends-with-benefits until halfway through the first season. Jenna wants to date Matty and finally tells him so, but he says he isn't ready for a relationship. They keep their relationship strictly about sex until Jenna gets tired of it and finally tells Matty to get lost if he isn't going to make her his girlfriend. He decides that he does like Jenna enough to date her and they begin dating, but Matty takes her out to a secluded restaurant an hour away from their hometown and it makes Jenna think he's ashamed of her. She starts to tell him what she thinks when she finds out that the restaurant he took her to was his uncle's and he'd never brought a girl there before.

Everything comes to a head when the winter formal dance comes along. Apparently, there is some tradition at their high school where the guys make big, public displays of asking their girlfriends to the dance. It's the last day before the dance and Jenna is freaking out that Matty hasn't done anything yet. When she can't take it anymore, she lets out all her thoughts about how she felt Matty was ashamed of being with her. She breaks up with him and leaves without another word.

Matty, however, had been planning a display to ask Jenna to the dance. He'd gotten a fortune cookie specially made with the fortune asking her to go to the formal with him. He throws the box with it away as he goes over to his friend Jake's house.

Jake Rosati

Now we have to talk about Jake. He'd been going out with Lissa, one of the girls on the cheerleading team and best friend to Sadie Saxton, Jenna's number one enemy. However, he'd also been getting to know Jenna and kissed her halfway through the season. Jenna made it clear that she only wanted to be friends. Lissa found out about the kiss. She and Sadie write a letter for Jake to read to Jenna if he wants to continue his relationship with Lissa. After reading the letter, Jake breaks up with Lissa because they wanted him to say absolutely horrid things to Jenna.

All of this winds up making Jenna and Jake to go to the formal together. Matty shows up at Jenna's house after she and Jake leave, asking her parents if he could take her to the formal. They inform him that she is already there and Matty goes to the formal to find the girl he loves and his best friend together. Jenna and Matty have a very vague discussion in front of Jake about the girl - who is Jenna - that was supposed to go to the dance with Matty. He asks if it's too late to get her back and Jenna says yes, wrapping her hand in Jake's.

The "carefrontation" letter

While all of this is going on, Jenna receives a letter that she and her friends - Tamara and Ming - call a "carefrontation". The letter starts out, "Jenna, as you are now, you could disappear and no one would notice," and it gives her a list of things she needs to fix about herself. They think Sadie sent it at first, but eventually confront her about it and she denies it, saying that she'd put her name on it if she sent it to Jenna. They decide she's telling the truth and then go through a list of suspects, never finding who it is. In the last episode, Jake brings Jenna home. When she opens her front door, the alarm goes off and she quickly tells him goodbye before calling her parents for the code to the alarm. As she's talking to them, she digs through their "junk drawer" to find the code, instead finding a notebook with the exact same pattern on it as the "carefrontation" letter. Jenna then figures out that it was her own mother who sent her the letter.

Not as much happens in the second season, so I'm going to glance over it. Jenna and Jake are dating, but Matty isn't over Jenna. Being Jake's best friend, Matty hangs out with the two of them a lot, making things awkward for Jenna, especially because Jake never knew they'd dated. All the while, Jenna and her mom are trying to fix the gap that her mother put between them with the letter. Jenna's father finds out about it and leaves. Things come to a head when Jenna's mom's best friend gets married. At the wedding, Sadie - who is the groom's niece - tells Jake about Jenna and Matty dating. Jake freaks out and dumps Jenna. While Jenna's relationship with her mother is becoming better, the relationship between her mother and father is deteriorating. Ben - Lacey's(Jenna's mom) ex-boyfriend - shows up to the wedding. Jenna worries that Ben will be the final breaking point for her parents and tries to keep him away from her mom, but gets distracted when Jake dumps her. Luckily, nothing happens between Lacey and Ben when Lacey tells him that she still loves Jenna's father.

Jenna wants an explanation for Jake's actions, but he won't give her one. She walks home, calling Matty and telling him what happened. She asks him if he said anything about the two of them, but Matty tells her no. While they are on the phone, we see that Matty is with another girl - who is topless - at his house. When he hangs up the phone, he tells the girl that Jake and Jenna broke up and that he needs to leave. The girl protests, but it doesn't do any good. Matty leaves and goes to Jenna's house, meeting her at the french doors at the back of her room. Jenna let's him in and the two of them talk, Matty making sure that Jenna is okay. They come to the conclusion that maybe it's finally the right time for them to be together. They kiss without realizing that Jake is at the french doors, looking inside.

Jenna keeps trying to get a hold of Jake so they can talk about what happened, but he never answers. When he finally does, he sends Jenna a picture of she and Matty kissing, with the text "you're a cheater" at the bottom of it. She tries to explain things to him, but he doesn't listen. During lunch, Jake is leading the wheel of pep, a wheel that lists games to play that get everyone ready for the game that afternoon. He calls Jenna and Matty up to spin the wheel and Jake and Matty wind up getting into a fist fight over Jenna.

Matty, Jenna, and Jake

They get in trouble by Val, the school counselor, who is one of the best characters on the show. You'd have to watch it in order to see what I'm talking about. Or you could go to MTV's website and watch a few of her clips. Click here for Val clips She lets them go after they talk about what happened without any repercussions. They then tell Jenna that she needs to choose between the two of them.

At the end of season 2, Jenna chooses Matty. She's looking forward to a summer with her new old boyfriend, but her parents sign her up to spend the summer abroad in Europe with Val and other classmates. Tamara decides she wants to go when she hears Jenna is going and decides to sign up for the trip the next week. Matty, on the other hand, isn't interested in going. Jenna comes to the conclusion that she needs to talk Matty into going. Tamara hosts a Europe themed party and they both try showing Matty all the cool things he'll be missing by not going on the trip. During the party, Tamara mentions to Jake that she wants to go on the trip and will be signing up for it the next week, but he informs her that he took the last spot. She flips - her longtime on-again/off-again boyfriend was dating someone else and she wouldn't be able to spend the summer with her friends since they were all leaving - and goes outside to sit in her car, crying.

Lissa is at the party and keeps trying to find Jake now that he's single. She wants to go back out with him, but Jake doesn't like her anymore. He winds up hiding with Tamara in her car to get away from Lissa. Jake and Tamara have a heart-to-heart about all the sucky things in her life and end up making out. Thus, a budding new relationship is formed.

Jenna sees them kissing in the car and freaks a little, until a really nice guy who's been secretly commenting on her blog and helping her tells her she has nothing to worry about because she's with Matty. She admits he's right and, when Tamara tells her about the kiss with Jake, Jenna tells her it's okay and that she's happy for her. The second season ends with Jenna giving Tamara her spot on the trip so the two new couples can spend the summer together. But Jenna still has a little doubt about her and Matty's relationship.

Matty & Jenna, Jake & Tamara

Now we come to the present, season 3. This is where things become frustrating. Jenna is with Matty and Tamara is still with Jake. The season starts with Jenna having a pregnancy scare, which she keeps from Matty. When she finds out she's not preggers, she tells Jake absentmindedly, who talks to Matty about it. Matty and Jenna have their first big fight over her telling Jake before Matty. They make up, of course, with Jenna promising that she would tell Matty things that were important about their relationship from then on.

From there, things seem happy and perfect in relationshipville, with both couples getting along fabulously. That is, until now. I just watched the most recent episode of Awkward. and I have to say...I'm not impressed.

Collin

They've introduced yet another guy to complicate Jenna's love life. His name is Collin, a really hot guy who is in Jenna's creative writing class. The two have gotten along well all season - sort of. But in this most recent episode, Jenna is challenged by her really strict creative writing teacher to write something personal and read it on stage at a local cafe's open mic night.

She reads one of her blog entries, the first blog she ever wrote on the show. It was about losing her virginity with Matty in the supply closet after summer camp. Her teacher commends her on her performance, something that has never happened before. Sadie and Collin are there, Sadie giving her insults the entire time and Collin telling her that she was great. After her reading, Collin invites Jenna and Sadie to have some pizza, but Sadie declines, leaving Jenna and Collin alone.

Jenna and Collin after Jenna's performance

When they get done eating, Collin gets a call from his girlfriend. He grabs Jenna's wrist as he tells her to hold on while he's on the phone. This is what Jenna "says" - we frequently get peeks into Jenna's mind throughout the show - when it happens:

"...something was happening and I couldn't explain it. It was coming fast and swift, and out of the blue. I was feeling a swirling deep in my gut that was exposing...my rut."

Collin then says, "Angelique says hi." He holds his cell phone over his arm so his girlfriend can't hear when he adds, "She's trying to make me jealous." Back to Jenna's thoughts:

"But it was working on me. Because, suddenly, I was jealous of Angelique, and looking at her boyfriend as if he was...my own."

Okay, stop, rewind and freeze. What the hell just happened here? Throughout the entire season, Jenna's been talking about how much she loves being with Matty and how amazing he is. So, how did this happen? I remember being a teenager - I technically still am one for another month - and that has never happened to me before. Sure, I'd gone out with guys I had doubts about, but that only lasted about a week. I consider my Matty to be my current boyfriend, who I've been dating for two and a half years now. He's the only guy I've ever dated that I had zero doubt about. With all the other guys I'd dated, I kept wondering about whether I was kissing right or saying the right things. With Joey, my current beau, everything was easy. I never worried about being with him. I was always comfortable, never even thinking twice when the time came for us to have sex.

That's why I don't understand how Jenna could be all, "I love Matty so much," in the beginning of this episode, to, "Wow, Collin has gorgeous eyes. Maybe I should be with him," at the end. I know that the writers have to have something conflicting with their relationship or it would get boring, but yet another guy? Come on, now. That makes Jenna look like a total whore. Now, I know some people will think that's a little harsh, but let's put all of this into simple terms.

Jenna really liked Matty and began dating him. 

She then broke up with Matty and began dating Jake immediately. 

Then she and Jake broke up and she immediately made out with Matty. 

Jenna and Matty began dating again, and now she's questioning their relationship because she's getting feelings for Collin.

Tell me that doesn't sound like a cheating whore. I really like Jenna. I find her character relatable, but that isn't going to mean anything if she keeps second-guessing herself all the time. If they really wanted to introduce another possible love interest to keep the drama going, they should have made Matty get semi-interested in another girl. Or, better yet, because the high school they attend always has rumors running around, they could have a rumor going that says Matty was hooking up with another girl in the sanctuary - a spot under the stadium bleachers where everyone goes to make out. That would be something easy and completely believable. 

I'm afraid that if they keep this thing with Collin going, I won't be watching the show anymore. What would be the point? The same thing keeps happening over and over again. If I wanted to watch a show about a girl being a ho, I'd watch Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant.

So I have something to say to the writers of Awkward: Get your shit together. Figure out who you want Jenna to be with and have her in a happy relationship for a while. I don't think there's a single show out there for teenagers that shows the happy side of being in a relationship. It's always drama, drama, drama. In real life, there are plenty of happy couples who have real problems to deal with, like figuring out how to keep their relationship going while attending two different colleges in two different states.
 

Another thing they could do is give Tamara and Jake some drama. Those two have been in a perfect relationship ever since they started dating. Why are the two relationships in this show polar opposites? Give Jenna some happily ever after for a while and let Tamara know what it feels like to be the damsel in distress. Geez.

Well, that's it for now. See you the next time I find something that irks me.      
 
 

Adam Lanza Documentation

This will not be a rant. This is just something I need to write. Something that I have to get out there. This has been eating away at me for a long time. So, please, if you would be so kind to just keep an open mind. Just read and think about what I have to say. Most people don't.

Adam Lanza 

I don't think this will be very long. I have...a lot I could say to you about the Sandy Hook shootings, but I'll just say what I need to say, then be done with it.

I do not believe that Adam Lanza was the shooter. I can't. I'm not the type of person to just believe whatever I hear without thinking about it. I really don't see how anyone can. But, anyway, back to the big picture. I haven't seen a single picture, a video, a testimony, anything that proves that Adam Lanza was the shooter. No one has. Know why? Because there isn't any proof!!!

The only reason why everyone thinks that Adam shot all those children is because that's what the police have said. And, I'm sorry if this offends anyone out there, in my experience, cops tend to lie. Don't get me wrong; I do know some cops who are great guys and really serve the people. But I have seen way too many reports of police officers beating people and getting away with it. They lie. They do it so that they can, basically, get to do whatever they want.

There are a few other things that don't add up. Why is there no documentation for Adam? Birth certificate, death certificate, transcripts, medical files, any kind of identification... Those are things that none of us have seen. And what about what we know of Adam? Let me just point something out to you...

Go to Google and type in, "James Eagan Holmes wiki". Click on the Wikipedia link and just check it out. There are four sections and three sub-sections on this page dedicated to the Aurora theater shooter. We know so much about him, including: he played soccer and ran cross-country in high school, he lived on Paris Street, he had several online profiles, etc. We even know that he used prostitutes!!

Now, find the search bar at the top right of the Wikipedia page. Type in, "Adam Lanza". There is no page on Adam Lanza! Instead, you'll find that you are either redirected to the page on the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, or it will bring up the search results page and give you a few options to choose from. Once you are at the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting Wikipedia page, click on section five: Perpetrator. This will bring you to the only information known about Adam Lanza. It's only five small paragraphs long and most of it is about his family, not Adam himself.

So, I asked myself, "Am I going to believe every word the police say, without any proof? Can I honestly be proud of myself if I blindly agree that Adam killed these children, without seeing anything for myself that would insinuate that idea?" The answer is no.

I believe that everyone thinks Adam killed these children because the police and everyone in a position of power about the police say that he did. The media, too. The media could say anything that sounds plausible and people automatically think of it as true. We've forgotten to think for ourselves when it comes to the news.

They did a good job. They picked a guy who was really quiet and kind of creepy looking to pin the crime on. But we know absolutely nothing about him. It's as if he wasn't really living before this crime. And, because we know so little about him, it seems as if there wasn't really a person behind the gun that was used to kill those children. It's as if he was a phantom.

And that's what they want.

Obama and his supporters want you to see the gun. They don't want you to get caught up on the person holding the gun. I wonder how many people decided guns are bad, m'kay, on the morning of December 14, 2012. The government is the absolute best at tricking people, at using subtle hints to get you to think what they want you to think.

So, just keep that in mind the next time you hear something about the shooting at Sandy Hook.

I'm Really Sad

I just have to write about this. I'm very, very upset and it seems like no one cares. About a month ago, my mom, step-dad, and I were sitting in the living room, watching TV. A commercial came on for those Straight Talk Android phones and my mom started talking about how I needed one for Christmas because my phone broke recently. I've never, ever had an Android anything before, so I got really excited. I hadn't been looking forward to Christmas because every single year I get let down. I never tell my mom this, it would break her heart.
Two years ago, I asked for a pair of DC shoes because my old ones were starting to tear up. I told my mom that any pair in plain black would be just fine. Well, she got both my sister and I a pair of DC shoes because she's always treated us like twins even though we're not. My sister doesn't care whether she hurts my mom's feelings or not. She'll tell my mom just how much she hates her gifts. I, on the other hand, know that even though my mom can have some pretty crappy taste in Christmas gifts, she always tries her hardest to make it a good Christmas. And even if I did get crappy gifts, I only got them because of her. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have any gifts. Anyway, she got my sister a pair of cotton candy pink and blue shoes that looked like they belonged to a clown. She got me a pair of black, pink, and shimmery silver shoes that looked like they belonged to a hooker.
I tried really hard not to show the disappointment on my face. I do this every year, and most of the time I'm really good at it. But not that year. My mom automatically knew that I hated them. You see, when I am really, really looking forward to a gift - which is once every three or so years - I wear my heart on my sleeve. You will know if I'm happy with my gifts or not, even if I don't say anything. I can't really help it. So, because I was really looking forward to those shoes, my face fell when I saw how hideous they were. And my mom knew she'd picked the wrong pair.
 So, for the past month, I've been super excited for Christmas. What made it even worse was watching A Christmas Story with my family. We watch it every year. Watching them open all their presents at the end made me giddy, thinking about opening my brand new Android phone. I've wanted an Android for the longest time. I got a Nook, thinking that I could get all these Apps on it, and then it turns out that it's a piece of crap that won't install anything that's not from BN.
Last week, my mom put the presents underneath the tree. Imagine how excited I was when I saw a present that looked exactly like a phone card for a Straight Talk phone. I was kind of confused because I only had two other presents and neither of them looked like the package for the actual phone itself. I figured one was a DVD that I asked for, and the other looked like it was another DVD. So, if my mom got me a phone card for Christmas, where is my phone??
This past week I have been coming up with all sorts of different scenarios. I open my presents to find a phone card for no phone when my mom comes out holding my brand new Android. I pick up the unknown gift and open it, finding that my mom had taken the phone out of the packaging to confuse me. I get my phone card, but no phone, my mom telling me that the phone card is the promise that I will get the Android, just after Christmas when she can afford it.
It's been eating away at me. Why would she get me a phone card and no phone? I really didn't want to be disappointed again and upset her yet again. I knew that if I opened that tiny present - the one I thought to be a phone card - and it wasn't a phone card, that the disappointment would be written all over my face. So I decided that I would figure out just what was in that tiny present.
I waited until everyone was asleep and snuck into the living room. I quietly grabbed the tiny present with my name on it and brought it to the kitchen - where no one would see me, even if they did wake up. I must've been in there for fifteen minutes, feeling all over the present to see if there were any lumps, bumps, creases, anything that would give away what it was. It was kind of hard to do the way my mom wrapped it up. But, after searching and searching, I finally found the clue that told me what it was.
At the very top of the package, I felt a crease going across the entire card. I then figured out that the top of the card was bent and could bend back and forth. Feeling the crease, and paying even more attention to it this time, I thought, "Oh, God, no. She got me a freakin' gift card." 
Sure enough, when I moved my fingers to the middle of the package, I could feel the slight bump of the card.
So, that is why I am really sad right now. I was so excited. This Christmas is going to suck.  

Past Work Experiences 1

Introduction and First Experience

This blog is dedicated to my rants about things I encounter in life that really piss me off. My boyfriend says that I have an anger problem and probably need to go to a therapist - which I wouldn't mind if I had the money to do so, but I don't. So I have decided to use this blog as a venting mechanism. I can't rant to any of my family or friends because I go on and on and they get annoyed with me. It's just that people do things that baffle me and I need to let my anger out sometimes.

Earlier tonight, my boyfriend and I were talking about work. It brought up some memories from my first job and I found myself ranting about all the horrible experiences I had there. I realized - after about ten minutes - that I was going on and on about it and shut up. But I'm still pretty peeved, so I figured I would write about it and get it out of my system. Not only is this a rant, but I also intend to help some people out. I hope that I can keep a few people from losing their minds by warning them about this place. Hopefully, these people can read this before accepting a position in this company. 

I live in a very tiny town in Texas. There is one dominating grocery store, a dollar store, and two convenient stores. There is also a donut shop and cafe, the only two restaurants in town - if you don't count the convenient store that also makes pizzas. Anyway, the first job I ever had was at the grocery store - B&B Foods. And, let me tell you, I will never, ever, work there again. I had the worst working experience at this store and I would not recommend working there. B&B Foods is a branch of Brookshire Brothers - not to be confused with Brookshire's, although most people call Brookshire Brothers "Brookshire's" for short. They also own Polk Oil.

About six months after I moved to this little town, I was offered a job at B&B. See, my step-dad was best friends with the manager of the store and had told him - let's call the manager Mr. A - that I was looking for a job. Since B&B was the only place you could get a decent - that's what I thought back then - job, I had been hoping to get a position there. So when Mr. A offered me a job, I jumped at it. That is how I started working at B&B. Now let me get into the experience that I was telling my boyfriend about earlier. It isn't the first bad experience I'd had there, and it certainly wasn't the last, but I'm not going to write about these experiences in chronological order. I'm just going to write about them as I remember them.

This one occurred at the beginning of my second year here (I know, I thought this place was horrible and yet I worked there for more than two years? Like I said, my town is very tiny and it's hard to get a job there - especially when you're a teenager.), during the summer. When you need a particular day or time off from work, you request that day or shift off. The manager - whichever is on duty when you request off - will put your request on the cork board for everyone to see, that way they can know who needs what day off when it's time to make the schedule for that week. Easy, right? Well, not so much.

My mom and dad had already come up with a solution for seeing the kids - me, my little sister, and my little brother. We lived with my mom and would go visit my dad for the weekend every two weeks. I couldn't go most of the time because Mr. A always scheduled me to work weekends even though he knew that was when I got to see my dad. But I did get to see my dad for a little while on the weekends because I was the one who drove my little brother and sister to my dad's house. I would usually work Friday mornings and take my siblings to my dad's in the afternoon and work Sunday mornings and go get them Sunday afternoons.

One week, Mr. A scheduled me to work Friday afternoon. Sometimes this happened, but I usually just switched shifts with someone else and then everything was fine. That's what I did that week. The protocol for switching shifts with someone is that you have to call around and find someone to take your shift. Once you find someone who will switch with you, you call the store and let someone know that you're switching with that person. Not a problem. So, I called a girl who I worked with - let's call her K - and she agreed to switch shifts with me. I'm going to list the shifts so that you don't get confused.

Cashier Shifts

• Monday-Saturday Mornings: 7:00a.m. to 2:00p.m.
• Monday-Saturday Evenings: 2:00p.m. to 9:00p.m.
• Sunday Mornings: 8:00a.m. to 2:00p.m.
• Sunday Evenings: 2:00p.m. to 8:00p.m.     

 There are sometimes special occasions when there is a third shift. These are usually on weekends, but sometimes there will be a third shift on a weekday in the summer. We have these shifts at times that the store is pretty swamped, so sometimes there are special occasions - like Thanksgiving - when we will have the third shift.

• Sunday-Saturday Third Shift: 12:00p.m. to 6:00p.m.

    Petro Shifts (these are shifts in the gas booth)

• Monday-Saturday Mornings: 7:00a.m. to 2:00p.m.
• Sunday Mornings: 8:00a.m. to 2:00p.m.
• Sunday-Saturday Evenings: 2:00p.m. to 8:00p.m.

If you get confused, just come back up here and find the shift I am talking about. So, they scheduled me to work Friday evening - the time I'm supposed to have off to take my siblings to my dad's house. I called K - who had a Friday morning shift - and she agreed to switch shifts with me. I called the store and told them that we were switching. Done. I also let them know that - no matter what - I needed Friday evenings off from now on. They (BTW, "they" are the managers at the store) said okay and that they wouldn't schedule me to work Friday evenings for the rest of the Summer.

I worked Friday morning and K worked that evening just as planned. Everything went well. But the next Friday that I was supposed to take my siblings to my dad's - two weeks later - they'd scheduled me to work again. I, once again, got K - who, again, had the morning shift -  to switch with me and let them know about it. I also reminded them again that I needed Friday evenings off. Friday came and went without a hitch.

I almost pulled my hair out when I looked at the new schedule for the next week I had to take my siblings to my dad's house. They had scheduled me to work the third shift that day. What couldn't they get about me needing the evenings off on those days? We had plenty of other workers who could work that shift. I went to K again - who had the same morning shift - and she switched with me. This time I got an employee when I called the store instead of a manager. I asked to be connected with a manager and she told me that there were none available at the moment. I asked her if she would tell them that I had switched shifts with K and would be working Friday morning and she told me she would tell them.

I got into the petro booth that morning feeling, other than a little sleepy, pretty good. Like I said, our town is pretty small, so we didn't get a lot of business in the mornings. That allowed me to read a book while I was waiting on customers to get there. The only really bad thing about working in the petro booth is that it can get really boring and you could accidentally fall asleep if you aren't careful. But everything went as planned that morning...up until noon.

Remember, instead of having the evening shift that day, they had originally scheduled me to have the third shift, which starts at noon. I got a call at about five after noon from one of our managers - let's call her Ms. C. She told me that I'd come in for the wrong shift that day; that I was scheduled to work the third shift. I told her that I had switched shifts with K so K should've been there. Ms. C told me that K wasn't there yet and that she would try to call K to see where she was. About ten minutes later, Ms. C called me back saying that K wasn't answering her phone. I tried, unsuccessfully, to call K for the next forty minutes to call K. Where was that girl?

I got another call from Ms. C at one saying that she had finally reached K. K had told her that she thought she was supposed to be there at 2 for the afternoon shift. K offered to come up there then - at 1 - but Ms. C told her that she should just go ahead and come in at 2 since she was so late. Ms. C then barked, "You should make sure that your replacement knows when her shift starts from now on," before hanging up. Seriously? You're going to yell at me when K was the one who fucked up? Get real. I'd told K when we decided to switch shifts that I had the third shift. I shouldn't have to call her every five minutes reminding her when she is supposed to be at work.

When Ms. C came to get me at 2 - a manager always drives to the petro booth because they don't want anyone walking with that much money to the store. They're afraid someone will try to rob the person with the money - she told me that K had still not arrived for her shift. She kept going on about how I should've made sure that K knew when she was supposed to come in. I told her that I had told K when my shift was and that the situation wasn't my fault. 

As we came into the store, K finally arrived. She ran up to Ms. J - another manager - to get her help clocking in. The booth where we count our till is right next to the clock we clock in at. As I was in the booth counting my money, I heard K ask Ms. J if she could run next door to the donut shop to get her lunch order really quick. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. First this girl is two hours late and gets me into trouble, and now she is asking to run over to a restaurant? She couldn't be serious. To my surprise, Ms. J allowed her to run to the restaurant and get her food before her shift. This didn't make any sense to me because we're not allowed to eat on our shifts - only on breaks.

I got everything I needed done that day and headed home. I took my siblings to my dad's later that afternoon and then I came home to relax for the rest of the day. I'd just made it home and sat down in front of the computer to play a video game when I got a text from Mr. A - the head manager and my step-dad's best friend, the one who offered me the job in the first place. He told me that he needed to talk to me the next morning when I went to work for my next shift. I replied saying okay.

I was worried about what was going to happen. Every time Mr. A had talked to me about something before, he had never given me any warning beforehand. He just talked to me when the time came. I had a gnawing feeling in my stomach that I was about to get fired. I'd been working on my speech in my head the entire night and while I was getting ready that morning.

I arrived at work and clocked in, but there was no talk. He didn't ask me to go into the office or the back of the store like he normally did when he needed to talk to me. This struck me as odd, but I didn't say anything about it. Frankly, I'd hoped that he'd forgotten about it. And he was letting me clock in and get ready to go into the petro booth, so he wasn't firing me. Unless he wanted to really embarrass me - and piss me off - by firing me after my shift. So, I held my breath and crossed my fingers.

Usually, when driving out to the petro booth, Mr. A doesn't drive me. It happens every now and then when everyone else is late, but he usually has more important things to do in the store. So when he started walking out with me that morning, I knew that he hadn't forgotten about the talk because there were other people there who could drive me to the booth.

Once we were in his car, he started his talk. He told me that K's being late for her shift was all my fault. He said that if I had never switched shifts with her in the first place, none of that would've happened. He then asked why I switched with her and I explained to him that I had been requesting Friday afternoons off for some time, because I take my siblings to my dad's house on those days, and I kept getting scheduled for those times. There was a long pause after this. We had just arrived at the petro booth and he was parking his car. I thought that he was done talking because he had been silent for about a minute, so I started opening my door. Before I could get it open, he said that I was no longer allowed to switch shifts with anyone at any time. He also told me that I was to be at work when I was scheduled to work, no matter what. He said that he believed that I was requesting those times off not because I had to take my siblings to my dad's house, but because I wanted to work morning shifts so that I would have the afternoons off to go do what I want and have work out of the way.

I told him that there was a court order saying that I have to see my dad on the weekends, no matter what. I also told him that even if there weren't a court order, I would go anyways because that's the only time I get to see my dad. I told him that if I'd wanted to, I could request every other weekend off so I could spend it with my dad, but I didn't because I knew that he needed me there to work.

He was silent for a minute again before getting out of the car and unlocking the petro booth door. Remember that Mr. A was not only my boss, but also my step-dad's best friend, so I knew him outside of work, too. I was pretty pissed at him - because he knew that K's being late wasn't my fault, yet he punished me anyway - so I stayed in the car until he was done rolling the oil carts out. I then, without a word, signed into the register and started putting my money in it. He shut the door and reminded me to lock it before leaving.

For the next three weeks, I didn't have any morning shifts and I wasn't scheduled to work Fridays or Sundays. As soon as I looked at the first schedule that I didn't have any morning shifts in, I was raging mad. I knew that Mr. A had done this on purpose because he really believed that I had wanted the afternoons off to do what I wanted and have work out of the way.

In these three weeks, I didn't say a word to Mr. A. When he said hello, I just nodded at him. When he asked me a question, I would nod or shake my head if it was a yes or no question. If it wasn't, I would answer in short sentences, but I never looked at him. Sure, I could've gotten fired over that, but I really didn't care. What he was doing was bullshit. And he finally got the picture; he scheduled me for three morning shifts on the fourth week. When I saw that, I started talking to him again. It wasn't like it was before all that bullshit happened, but it was better than those three weeks. He was no longer a friend to me, only a boss.

So, that was one of my shitty experiences working at B&B. I think I'll put number 2 up right after this because it's relatively short and it's fresh in my mind at the moment.

Until then...

~End of Rant